We're All Just Like the Rest of Us
Dec 03, 2025By: Aimee Prasek, PhD
I've had a few zoom/coffee chats lately with folks who've lost their jobs. I'm sure many of you have had these chats too. All this job loss partnered by conversations about empathy as a weakness and all the judgements being hurled around... it's easy to feel like empty shells at war with each other. Here's what I've been hearing:
"Empathy is a fundamental weakness."
"Those government workers were lazy and corrupt. Welcome to the real world."
"Those a$$ politicians. How can they sleep at night?"
Arguing which one of those takes is true is exhausting (I know, I've tried). So, here's another take that helps me:
We're all just like the rest of us.
Much of Western culture, particularly in U.S. workplaces, operates under an illusion of separation—the belief that we're isolated individuals who must go it alone, competing rather than collaborating. Zero sum. Winners and losers. The strong and the weak.
But this is precisely that: An illusion.
The truth is that we're less "human beings" and more "inter-beings" (Thich Nhat Hanh coined that term and I love it). We are interconnected. And so completely interconnected that we often don't even notice it. Like fish in water. No water? No fish.
So, in the context of all this job loss, the person losing their job today is also us. The anxiety, the fear, the grief, the scrambling—these are universal human experiences.
To quote Henri Nouwen:
"In the solitude of the heart, we can truly listen to the pains of the world, because there we can recognize them not as strange and unfamiliar pains, but as pains that are indeed our own. There we can see that what is most universal is most personal."
As we dig into the Element of Compassion at Joy Lab this month, we're exploring Dr. Gabor Maté's five levels of compassion. His third level—the compassion of recognition—feels intensely relevant right now.
After we acknowledge suffering (ordinary compassion) and seek to understand it (compassion of understanding), this level asks us to recognize something profound:
The person who's suffering is just like us.
And here's another uncomfortable truth when it comes to all these job losses: The person making all those cuts and firing all those people? They're just like us too.
I try to come back to some wisdom from Dr. George Washington Carver when I'm doubting all this:
"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life, You will have been all of these."
When Judgment Becomes Self-Harm
I'm not on a soapbox here. I've come a long way through practice, but I still get surprised by a reflexive judgment that I throw out in some wild effort to make myself feel/look better. Or, I'll try to resist or outsmart empathy so I don't feel sad, uncertain, or responsible. The wild thing is that it doesn't make us feel any better. If we're constantly judging and tearing down each other, then we're constantly judging and tearing down ourselves. There's just no way to separate ourselves from what we are connected to. We can do it in our minds through this illusion of separation, but it's not real. Our deeper wisdom knows this. Basic evolution proves this. Human history illustrates this. Whether we like it or not, we are deeply connected. And we suffer when we resist this truth.
The Judge, Mirror, Bridge Practice for This Moment
So, what can we do when we're stuck in this feeling of separation or judgment? Here's a practical exercise that I do when I feel stuck:
1. Judge - Name Your Judgment
Write down someone you're judging and the judgment you have about them. Don't worry, this isn't a group exercise or something to share on social. It's just yours, so be honest with yourself. Examples of judgements:
- "They're heartless and greedy."
- "They have no empathy for the human cost."
2. Mirror - Find It in Yourself
Write down when and how you show up with similar qualities. This is hard, but stay with it. Consider:
- When have you made a decision that benefited you while hurting others?
- When have you prioritized efficiency or results over people's feelings?
Remember: Be gentle with yourself. You're exploring, not condemning.
3. Bridge - Identify the Connection
Write down the conditions, fears, or pressures that might be influencing these behaviors (for them, you, all of us). Examples:
- We are all trying to survive in unstable systems.
- It's stressful to feel like you'll be the next one cut.
- There seems to be a lot of impossible choices... maybe we're all doing the best we can.
Don't Forget to Offer Compassion
End your practice by offering yourself and those who you've judged genuine compassion. Everyone is doing the best they can with the knowledge, tools, and circumstances they have. And I know, that last sentence is really hard to believe. It's easy to fall into a chain of reasons why it's not true for "them" (whoever them is). I have to check myself when I do this and acknowledge that it's just a judgment to make myself feel better, convinced I could handle their situation better. The reality is that if I were that person, with all the world that comes with that person, then I would be doing exactly what that person is doing. The compassion of recognition helps us see that so we can actually move forward together.
Why This Matters Right Now
When we practice the compassion of recognition during times like these, several things happen:
- Stress Decreases When you aren't stuck in judgment, then you're less likely to be caught in a stress response. That's a win for you in a million different ways—better sleep, clearer thinking, more resilience.
- We Realize We Can Help Compassion can take us out of judgement paralysis and helplessness and free up our mental bandwidth that motivates meaningful action. This kind of compassionate action is powerful and is a reminder that compassion is actually one of the most effective fuels for behavior change.
- Collective Resilience Builds When we recognize our shared vulnerability, we naturally create stronger support networks. And those supportive networks are essential if we want to thrive (and survive).
- Effective Leadership is Modeled The most effective leaders recognize struggle as universal and respond with both accountability and compassion.
- Cycles of Harm Can Be Broken When we practice compassion for all parties, we interrupt patterns of judgment and dehumanization that... well, got us into so many of our messes in the first place.
After you do the judge-mirror-bridge exercise, just notice what happens next time you see news about layoffs or budget cuts. Notice any changes in your body? Less tension or agitation? Notice any shifts in how you talk about the situation with colleagues or friends?
And if you give this practice a try and you're still angry or scared or heartbroken, that's ok. Those feelings matter. They're important. But notice if the grip is different. When you aren't stuck in chronic judgment and a fear response, then you have more energy for the grief, the advocacy, and the practical support.
We're All Just Like the Rest of Us
If you're affected by recent layoffs: You're not alone. Your value is not determined by your employment status.
If you're still employed but anxious: Your fear is valid. Survivor's guilt amidst layoffs is a real thing. Practice compassion for those who lost their jobs and yourself.
If you're making difficult staffing decisions: Your burden is heavy. Your humanity matters even in impossible situations.
No matter what your situation is, don't fall into the judgement trap. Don't get stuck in cycles of stress and judgement by ditching empathy or compassion. Remind yourself:
I'm just like the rest of us.
