Letting Go of Intrusive Thoughts & Rumination: Obstacles To Avoid & Skills To Help

💭 Learn more: We talk more about this in episode #290 of the Joy Lab Podcast

Ninety-four percent of people in one study reported having had at least one intrusive thought in the last three months. We're pretty sure 6% lied and those 94% undercounted. 

The real number is almost certainly 100%. Intrusive thoughts are a universal feature of being human. They're defined as the repeatedly occurring, unwanted, difficult to control thoughts that are accompanied by subjective discomfort. It's important to know that having these thoughts does not mean there's anything wrong with you. 

The content of intrusive thoughts doesn't actually predict worse outcomes or specific diagnoses. Even those more shocking intrusive thoughts you have can be proof of how much you care about the opposite outcome, not a sign that you're broken. Interestingly, what matters most is not what the thought is, but how often it shows up and how tightly you grab onto it.

Most of us, when an unwanted thought shows up, try to suppress it. This is where Daniel Wegner's ironic process theory comes in. Suppression of a thought requires monitoring, and monitoring ensures the thought keeps coming back. In episode 290 Aimee's Whac-A-Mole metaphor highlighted the suppression process (whacking the mole) and the monitoring process (watching for the next mole). These are both cognitively effortful, they compete with each other, and the whole game is exhausting. And you don't even get any arcade tickets at the end.

When you put down the mallet, the mole runs out of attention to feed on.

Another concept that's helpful to understand is Affective realism. The idea here is that how you're feeling directly shapes what you perceive. Hangry is a good example: when you're hangry, you'll likely perceive strangers as more negative, not because they are, but because your internal state is smashed with your external perception. Interoceptive ability (your capacity to accurately notice your own body sensations) is a helpful skill to keep that from happening so often. The better you can detect your internal state, the less likely it is to distort your view of the world outside you.

The good news is that working with intrusive thoughts is a skill. The key is to notice the thought early. Name it as a thought rather than a fact, decision, or a reflection on your character. You can touch it lightly with that attention and then let your attention move on. The gentler you are with yourself in that moment, the less power the thought has. Judgment and self-criticism are what make intrusive thoughts sticky. Self-compassion is what lets them pass through.

Listen to Episode 290 to help you build the skill of letting go of intrusive and unhelpful thoughts.