Loving the Parts You've Been Hiding

Tip: Listen, then read. This post is a perfect match for Joy Lab podcast episode 250: Welcoming Back the Parts of You That Have Not Known Love

Here's a truth that might sting a little: You've probably been ghosting parts of yourself since you were five years old.

Maybe it was anger that got you labeled "too much." Maybe it was sadness that made adults uncomfortable. Maybe, like Aimee's story in this week's episode, it was something as simple as short hair and a dress that didn't fit someone else's idea of "acceptable."

We all do this. We learn early what's "okay" and what isn't, so we shapeshift ourselves into something more lovable, more likely to belong. Belonging is essential, but this strategy just doesn't work because these rejected parts don't actually disappear. They just go underground, smoldering like buried coals and often showing up later as anxiety, anger, or that persistent feeling that something's missing.

Carl Jung called these hidden aspects our "shadow self." Internal Family Systems therapy calls them "exiles." Whatever you call them, the principle is the same: when you love what you've rejected, it loses its grip over you.

Your Simple Joy Practice: The Shadow Check-In

Here's a simple practice you can do in five minutes (seriously, set a timer):

Step 1: Name it (1 minute)
Ask yourself: What part of me have I been trying to hide lately? Maybe it's neediness. Maybe it's ambition. Maybe it's fear or even joy. Just notice what comes up. No judgment.

Step 2: Say hello (2 minutes)
Place your hand on your heart and speak directly to that part—out loud if you can, silently if you must:
"I see you. I'm sorry I rejected you. You've been trying to help me, haven't you?"

Let yourself feel whatever comes up. Sadness, anger, relief—it's all welcome.

Step 3: Offer something good (2 minutes)
End with something nourishing. Hug yourself. Text a friend. Make tea. Pet your dog. The point is to signal to your nervous system: It's safe to be whole.

Why This Works

When you consistently reject parts of yourself, those parts start shouting through symptoms: addiction, depression, anxiety, that nagging sense of incompleteness.

But here's the empowering part: Integration beats elimination every time. You don't need to fix or medicate or banish these parts. You need to invite them back with love.

As Michael Ventura wrote: "You are not one person. You are many people. You are a community of moods and selves under one name."

So welcome the whole community home. You all belong.