255. How the World's Pain Enters Your Body and What to Do Next
===
[00:00:00]
Henry: Hello, I am Henry Emmons and welcome back to Joy Lab.
Aimee Prasek: And I am Aimee Prasek. So we are in our Grief Series right now, leaning on "The Five Gates of Grief" from the work of Francis Weller, plus some additional Gates from some other practitioners. And today we are exploring the Seventh Gate, which is Trauma. We'll talk specifically about collective trauma and secondary trauma, and even more specifically, we're gonna get into the physical impacts of this and how you can care for yourself more [to] ease some of those symptoms.
A note as well, I wanna say, as in all the Gates, what we're talking about can be tough stuff to hold, so be gentle with yourselves. Listen when you're able; maybe balance these Gates of Grief with a comedy [00:01:00] podcast or show.
Henry, do you have any recommendations for a comedic show or podcast?
Henry: Well, um.
Aimee Prasek: Put you on the spot.
Henry: I really like "Grace and Frankie"
Aimee Prasek: That's a great one. I will say, "The Good Place", I'll just put that in. I feel like-
Henry: Oh yeah, that's great.
Aimee Prasek: It hits, like, it hits on grief as well, but, I'll tell you, one of my favorite shows.
All right, so before we get into the physical impacts of this, like what collective and secondary trauma feel like, how it affects us, let's define them.
So, collective trauma is the shared emotional, psychological impact of a traumatic event that affects an entire community or society, or globe. COVID, for example.
The U.S. with 9/11. Natural disasters like hurricanes, tornadoes, mass shootings, economic depressions. Also like [00:02:00] chronic collective traumas, like ongoing harms related to racism, sexism, classism. So collective trauma is not an uncommon experience, and you really do not have to be directly involved in the event to experience collective trauma.
This is more specifically known as secondary trauma or vicarious trauma, and with this, negative effects can happen through hearing detailed accounts from folks directly involved with the traumatic event, from watching viral videos of the event, from 24/7 news coverage. It's also a common experience for caregivers, healthcare workers, therapists, first responders who are caring for folks after an event.
I feel like this is also, is it the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon? Is that, that's the thing, right?
Henry: Yeah, I guess it is a thing. Hahahaha.
Aimee Prasek: [00:03:00] Okay. I have a point.
I feel like that's how a secondary trauma works.
So I was just thinking about my husband, he's a firefighter, and he responds to hard stuff, right? And then he comes home and tells me about it, and I feel the physical impacts about it. And then I tell somebody about it; now, right, we're only three degrees from Kevin Bacon. It's just, it just keeps spreading, like, we are all connected. Okay, I'm not gonna go down that, that rabbit hole anymore.
So the point I'm trying to make is that secondary trauma can produce symptoms related, or similar, to direct trauma. Like, the same symptoms can be experienced. So, with that said, it might seem like the brain is really bad at specificity considering you can have the same symptoms from trauma, whether or not you were directly involved. But, it's just more evidence that we are wired to survive and [00:04:00] thrive in communities, so your brain actually doesn't need to distinguish much between direct threats, or threats to others. They activate similar stress responses because they can be equally harmful to us. And with this Gate, there's often a big fear or stress response associated with the event as well. That's important to note.
And there's also an aspect of the loss, oftentimes, that feels unjust, or unfair, or unnecessary or, in the face of a natural disaster, like completely uncontrollable- an act of God, which can also elicit a big fear response too, followed by grief.
There's a C.S. Lewis quote, in his book on grief, that I love.
He wrote, "no one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."
Henry: Hmm.
Aimee Prasek: Man. I agree.
Henry: Hmm.
Aimee Prasek: And this gate really speaks to that, I think.
And so some of the [00:05:00] losses that come up here are a loss of safety, loss of trust in institutions, loss of community connection, a loss of shared understanding, like those moral injuries we talked about last episode; loss in this sense of shared humanity, of goodness and connection.
So, I like how therapist Linda Thai explains this, as she describes trauma as "what happened that shouldn't have happened, and what should have happened that didn't happen."
Henry: Ooh. Yeah, I like that definition.
Trauma, as what happened that shouldn't have happened, and what should have happened that didn't happen. That's really good.
I wanna emphasize the second part of that for a moment. I think in an earlier Podcast in this series, you cited a study showing that the strongest, most enduring impacts from trauma actually [00:06:00] came from neglect.
Is that, am I getting that right?
Aimee Prasek: Yep. Yep,
Henry: Yeah. And in other words, from what didn't happen, that should have happened.
Aimee Prasek: Exactly.
Henry: Yeah. I remember, too, in my psychiatry training, learning that childhood neglect could have such a huge psychological impact that it might be among the hardest things to treat in adulthood, you know, the long-term effects of childhood neglect.
So in a sense, the losses you described come at least as much from what was missing as from what actively happened.
I'm thinking now of the recent I.C.E. surge in Minnesota. How could we not think about that, living here? And what was missing that could have softened the trauma. Things like safe sanctuaries, the sense of reliable institutions, [00:07:00] shared understandings; basic goodness toward one another. And even a sense of sharing truth. The idea that some things are true, that there are facts, as to what really happened.
The one thing in your list that wasn't missing, I think, in this Minnesota experience is community connection.
That was just there, and it emerged and grew in such a beautiful way.
So I think for many of us, both here and across the country, maybe even around the world, these events only seem to heighten our sense of community, of coming together. And I think that was powerfully protective.
Aimee Prasek: Yes. I love that you're bringing this up. Not only does it highlight my six degrees of Kevin Bacon, but it- to your point, this [00:08:00] community— so we've talked about the tend-and-befriend stress response in past episodes and yes, to your point, Henry, of this call to community and this very visible connectedness that we saw here in Minnesota— that we see in other events like this— I think that's when this tend-and-befriend stress response really thrives and it can be, it's like super helpful. So, it just makes sense for collective grief too. You can't really come together- like tend the harms and connect, befriend folks, and grieve amidst the other stress responses like fight, flight, bite, or even fawn. So this is like the stress response that's made for collective trauma, for grief.
Tend-and-befriend. I'll link to our episode that we talked more about that, as well.
So, we know how stress can impact our body; grief and trauma are [00:09:00] no different. Let's talk about how collective trauma can impact our body, including our mood and energy.
So, what can it feel like? Collective trauma can feel like brain fog, sleep problems, appetite changes. You might feel jumpy, have physical tension, digestive issues. It's also kind of a unique stressor because it puts a load of stress on a lot of people at one time, and when that happens our tolerance for stress usually drops. Even more so than if we're singularly experiencing a traumatic event, when we're collectively experiencing it, our tolerance can drop even more. Hence, why the tend-and-befriend response is so helpful, right? Because then we gatherour support and resources as a group.
Psychologist Dan Siegel describes our Window of Tolerance as the zone where we can handle stress and respond in healthy ways; so during collective trauma [00:10:00] and any real big stressor, as I said, that window might get smaller, and a smaller window means you might not be able to assess a stressor as accurately, which creates more uncertainty or fear; which makes it harder to work through stress. And of course, because so many others are collectively hurting, then it can be hard to find that support. It makes that window even smaller, right? You can't, maybe, see as many folks out there able to help.
So if you're encountering stressors beyond your Window of Tolerance, you might find yourself swinging between states of hyperarousal. So like, panic, racing thoughts, anger, hypervigilance or hypoarousal: numbness, disconnection, exhaustion, brain fog.
So let's dig into those more. Henry, do you wanna say more about hyperarousal?
Henry: Yeah, let me just say first that I really like the [00:11:00] concept of the Window of Tolerance, and I just wanna say a little more about that.
I think that that idea comes from an understanding that stress is a normal part of life, and it's even a good thing to a degree, because it keeps us activated. It gets us focused and mobilized when we need to be.
But the Window of Tolerance idea tells us that it's not good to be at either extreme. You wanna be within the window, kind of in the middle. Okay? If there were no stress in your life at all, which, of is never going to happen...
Aimee Prasek: Nope.
Henry: You can imagine though, that your life might actually feel pretty flat and, you know, we've probably all gone through periods like that where we just feel flat and there's just nothing keeping us mobilized or activated. That might be okay for an afternoon or a vacation or, let's say, early in retirement or something, but it's no way to [00:12:00] live long term, I don't think.
Going to the other extreme, where it simply becomes over-activating is maybe even, I don't know, maybe worse. At least it can feel worse. So instead of being more focused, we become narrowly focused. We lose that broad field of vision, and then we can only see what's right in front of us and instead of being more attuned to our surroundings, which would actually really help us if we were, in some kind of survival mechanism. When we're so narrowly focused, we can't filter other things out and we just overreact to sights, or sounds, or movement that we pick up on.
So in a sense then, we become hypervigilant, which is super inefficient a state to be in when we have to respond to a threat of some sort. It's just very inefficient and it puts us at more risk. At some [00:13:00] point, all of that overactivity can simply overwhelm your nervous system.
Aimee Prasek: Yeah, that's a really good point too, like some folks go straight to hyperarousal amidst this high stress response or amidst a traumatic event. I go there. But then after too much I can swing back to hypoarousal, noting your point of, like, being too long in a state of hyperarousal. So, you know, you don't have to pick, you can actually experience both.
Henry: Yeah, and I think that's the usual pattern, starting out hyperaroused and then after a while it's just too much and things shut down.
Aimee Prasek: Yeah. Yeah. I feel like COVID was like that, you know, like everybody's washing their grocery bags and then at some point you're like, I don't care. Like, you're just so tired you're eating off the floor. So, yeah, it can be like a playground swing. You can go back and [00:14:00] forth. You can also go straight into hypoarousal though, too, that is a stress response, right? So feeling overwhelmingly meh; like lacking motivation, feeling really flat emotionally; maybe detached, apathetic, or disconnected. So that could, to speak to stress responses, that's like a freeze stress response or a bite. So when your nervous system perceives a threat, generally with no clear escape, or if danger feels too big- you can't fight it, you can't run away from it- it may shift into that bite or freeze response.
And this isn't a wrong response; nor is, you know, fight-flight. It's actually a smart survival mechanism. The bite or freeze response served our ancient humans well, since there was no good reason to waste precious energy on something that didn't have a solution. I think today- it still has value today, but today it [00:15:00] can also feel like our worst enemy as we watch others take action. Maybe they're in a state of hyperarousal, and we might feel shameful that we can't muster up that same courage, or activity, or action. But again, this is a protective feature not a personal failure, and once we acknowledge that, then I think we can work with it rather than just kind of falling into a shame about it or a guilt about it, and we can move out of it if that's a wise next action. We can focus on gentle activationto get out of hypoarousal- like small movements, mindful breathing, connecting with safe people, or activities that create a sense of accomplishment without overwhelming your system.
And, related, I just wanna bring up learned helplessness.
So we talked about this in the Podcast earlier. I'll put this it in the show notes. The idea with learned helplessness was that we learned to give up, to be helpless, after [00:16:00] unsuccessful attempts at trying to change something. But, researchers who coined learned helplessness realized 50 years later that they got their theory backward.
Helplessness is not learned. Helplessness is actually our brain's default when facing overwhelming, seemingly uncontrollable situations. So a deep brain structure triggers this shutdown to conserve energy. That's the bite, freeze response. But here's the good news: control is learned. When your brain detects that your actions make a difference, your prefrontal cortex steps in and overrides the helplessness response. Neuroscientists call this the hope circuit. So even better, this sense of agency has a cross-stressor effect. So When you take action and see a positive impact in one area, you're more likely to believe that your actions matter in other stressful situations too.
So this [00:17:00] doesn't mean that you can control everything, it just means that you can identify what you can influence, how you can talk to yourself, who you connect with, what information you consume, how you care for your body; the small acts of service you could take to sort of initiate some activity; boundaries that you set, values that you live by, all that stuff, because each small choice reminds your nervous system: I have some freedom, I have some agency here.
Henry: Mm-hmm. So I'm gonna share my extremely simple way of thinking about this. And I think it, it really fits with something we have talked about on the Podcast before, which is finding the Middle Way.
Aimee Prasek: Ha. It's like all we talk about on the Podcast, after we talk about all the-
Henry: We should ust call it "The Middle Way", hahaha.
Aimee Prasek: Oh, darn it. Jeez. been a good idea.[00:18:00]
Henry: So when we're living within the Window of Tolerance, in other words, when we are able to respond to our life stresses in a healthy way, then the things that we encounter are either activating, or calming. Okay. Remember, this is normal state.
In my mind, as a psychiatrist, I classify medications, supplements, aromatherapies, even foods in this way. Some are activating, some are calming. They either ramp up energy and focus, or they tamp it down. And so we can, knowing this, we can use these things to help us stay in that Window of Tolerance, stay in that Middle Way.
Aimee Prasek: I love that.
Henry: Yeah, and I think the same is true for activities that we do. Things like exercise, music, our leisure activities, and we know ourselves well enough, as adults, to be able to predict how we're gonna respond to [00:19:00] something that we do.
So if we're paying attention, and we're feeling a little amped up, we can choose a snack, an activity, or being with a friend or a person who will help us calm down. And same thing if we're feeling a bit too subdued. We just have to choose wisely. But this is really what we're talking about today, when we go outside of that Window of Tolerance, we get so far out of balance that these kind of activities simply may not work, or at least not work as quickly and reliably. So if you've gone into a freeze response, for example , your mind and body might be so depleted that what you really need is deep, deep rest.
I think what's important to say is that while we are all seeking balance, as soon as we've found it, it's [00:20:00] gone. Right? It is virtually impossible to find and hold onto balance, and if you can relate to that, which I think most of us can , then do not feel that you're doing anything wrong. It's just normal. That doesn't mean we shouldn't keep trying, you know, the idea here is that if we're mindful, if we're paying attention, we have the opportunity to constantly self-correct. And that can be done with those micro-changes that you referred to earlier, Aimee. Just choose one small thing that you know moves you closer to that, the center of that Window of Tolerance, and then choose another one, and another.
Aimee Prasek: I love that. Yeah, those little micro-changes. And how important that is- when you're amidst the stress response, to not expect [00:21:00] a huge, massive change because that's just not how your body's ready to take action.
I think that's really helpful. And yes, creating balance in our lives is a constant state of creating balance in our lives. Such a great reminder. And also, yeah, the goal is [not to] make these responses go away, these natural responses to something painful, scary that happens. It's to understand them, to work with them, and stay connected to yourself and others so that you can navigate them more skillfully. And when we take care of ourselves amidst collective trauma, we can come together to take wise, collective action as well.
So, to close our time today, I wanna share some wisdom from Clarissa Pinkola Estés. She wrote, "one of the most [00:22:00] calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul."
Thanks for joining us!: Thank you for listening to the Joy Lab podcast. If you enjoy today's show, visit JoyLab.coach to learn more about the full Joy Lab program. Be sure to rate and review us wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.
Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program.
Please see our terms for more information.
