Start 7-Day Free Trial

278. Stop Optimizing & Exhausting Yourself and Start Re-Creating

A big chunk of the self-help and wellness industry runs on some core messages: you are not good enough and you need to be fixed, improved, and optimized. We disagree and hope this element of recreation (and re-creation) helps you brush off some of those false messages and return to what is already good and resilient in you. 

This is also one of the three months per year (April, August, and December), where we tap more into our rest and activity cycles by doing less and nourishing more. With that in mind, we'll play some encore episodes that will help you tap into play, rest, and nourish. We'll be back September 1 with new episodes!  

About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). 

 

Listen & follow the Joy Lab Podcast on your favorite listening app: 

Spotify | Apple | YouTube

    

Sources and Notes for our Element of Confidence:

Common Questions:

Q: Why does rest and play feel so hard to justify when there's always more to do?

A: Because we've been sold the message that rest is laziness and optimization is a moral win. This episode names that cultural conditioning directly, explains the biological necessity of rest and activity cycles, and reframes play as a genuine act of wellness and even resistance.

 

Q: What does play actually look like for adults and why does it matter for mental health?

A: This episode introduces phantasmagoria, flow, and self-forgetfulness as frameworks for understanding why play is not optional. Play helps dissolves self-monitoring, reduces stress, builds resilience and empathy, and reconnects us to intrinsic motivation. One practical strategy is to play for just two minutes per day, no devices, doing something that was fun when you were a kid.

 

Key moments:

[00:00] Welcome to the Element of Recreation — and the shift to "re-creation," with the hyphen intentional

[00:30] Joy Lab's ease-phase rhythm: August, December, April — doing less, nourishing more, honoring cycles of rest and activity

[01:30] Henry: we treat bodies and minds like machines that should run at peak capacity all the time

[02:00] Nature runs on rhythms — seasons, tides, circadian cycles, hormone cycles — and so do we

[03:30] We were taught that resting is laziness, that not optimizing is wasting time — and it's exhausting and eventually counterproductive

[04:00] When we honor natural rhythms and take real breaks, energy and creativity return

[05:00] Re-creation as coming back to our foundation — no additional fixes needed; goodness is already here

[05:30] The wellness industry's relentless optimization is built on a "tiny blueprint" — a marketable version of you designed to sell products. It only works if you believe you're a product, not a person

[07:00] Henry: the trillion-dollar self-help industry thrives on one message — you are not good enough

[07:30] The impossible standard: lose weight but have you optimized your BMI? Improve habits but have you perfected your sleep routine?

[08:00] Rooted in shame and self-rejection — the core message being "you're not okay as you are" 

[09:30] Roger Abrahams: we've turned building a self into a kind of religion — self-possession, self-fashioning, self-expression as sacred moral acts

[11:00] Henry: authentic self-creation vs. creating a self for external approval — the difference that matters

[12:00] For marginalized communities, the pull to conform is especially strong — stepping back from optimization as an act of resistance

[13:30] Aimee introduces phantasmagoria — a concept from play researcher Dr. Brian Sutton-Smith

[14:00] How kids play in wild, imaginative, sometimes dark ways — and why it's usually normal, not a red flag

[17:30] Why kids do this: to deconstruct reality, work through feelings, explore what's unfair or scary in a complex world

[18:00] Sutton-Smith and Derrida: if the world is a text, play is our response — we are both audience and co-author

[18:30] Phantasmagoria as processing strategy: supports psychological resilience, empathy, curiosity, critical thinking

[19:30] Dr. Fred Donaldson: "Children learn as they play. Most importantly, in play, children learn how to learn."

[20:00] Adults do the same — we've licensed phantasmagoria into tiny socially acceptable pockets: Halloween, Burning Man, horror movies, fandom

[20:30] When play is so rare, those pockets can get extreme — we need to bring play back into daily life in healthy amounts

[21:00] Carl Jung: "The small child is still around and possesses a creative life which I lack, but how can I make my way to it?"

[22:00] Play ideas: gardening, LARPing, woodworking, art, acting, board games, writing, cooking, music, sports with less attachment to winning

[22:30] Starting question: what's one way of playing from your childhood that if you tried for two minutes today would offer some recreation?

[23:30] Henry on what happens when we become adults: we lose permission to play without purpose or imagine without constraints

[24:00] The playful mind is resourceful — in play, we access parts of the brain that don't activate during striving or self-judgment — not a waste of time; accessing our deepest capacities

 [26:00] Re-creation is mostly social — not solitary self-optimization but self-forgetfulness and connecting

[26:30] Self-forgetfulness (Ep. 270): looking up from negative preoccupation with self, going beyond ourselves [ADD LINK]

[27:00] Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's flow: loss of self-consciousness, forgetfulness of other realities — the adult version of play

[27:30] Playfulness research on adults: higher purpose in life, positive relations, resilience, more positive emotions — even when adults are forced to play

[28:30] The practice: two minutes per day, no devices, authoring your own experience

[29:00] Then make it a little more social: invite a friend, shoot baskets in a public park, join a club

[31:30] Henry: what happens when you're truly at play — you stop thinking about yourself; the inner critic quiets, anxiety settles, you're just present

  [35:00] Check in after playing: how do you feel emotionally, cognitively, physically? Identify what nourishes you

[35:30] This month: replay of key past episodes; Joy Lab Program members get weekly short visualization and meditation experiments

[36:00] Closing wisdom from Carl Jung: "The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect, but by the play instinct..."

  

Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: 

Instagram

Linkedin

Facebook

YouTube

 

Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice and treatment from a medical professional. Please consult your doctor or other qualified health professional before beginning any diet change, supplement, or lifestyle program.

Please see our terms for more information.

If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at [email protected]. Visit NAMI for more. You can also call or text SAMHSA at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.