The Question That Changes Everything: When Did You Forsake Yourself?
Jan 21, 2026
Tip: Listen, then read. This post is a perfect match for Joy Lab podcast episode 246: The Power of Self-Alignment & Reclaiming Your True Self.
Here's something that might sound harsh but is actually liberating: self-awareness alone won't save you.
In fact, if you're highly self-aware but haven't cultivated self-acceptance, you're probably just really good at cataloging all your perceived flaws and the art of sophisticated self-criticism.
That's why the progression matters: self-awareness → self-acceptance → self-alignment.
Think of it like this:
- See what is (self-awareness)
- Accept what is (self-acceptance)
- Act wisely (self-alignment)
Self-alignment is where the magic happens. It's what we really mean when we talk about being "comfortable in your own skin"—that rare quality where someone just seems at ease with who they are, living in ways consistent with their actual values rather than performing for an imagined audience.
Why Self-Alignment Is Harder for Some
It's also true that while nobody can take away your self-awareness, the world can make self-acceptance really difficult and self-alignment actually dangerous.
If you've received messages—subtle or screaming—that you don't belong just as you are, then showing up authentically becomes an act of courage rather than a casual choice. Maybe it was conditional love from a parent. Maybe it's a workplace that punishes authenticity. Maybe it's just walking down the street or into a healthcare setting where your body is not respected.
But here's what they can't take from you: Self-connection is an inner power. Even when circumstances force you to moderate your external expression for safety, your internal alignment remains accessible.
Reclaiming, Not Acquiring
Poet May Sarton wrote at age 81: "Now I become myself. It's taken time, many years, and places. I have been dissolved and shaken, worn other people's faces."
Eighty-one years to become herself.
As Parker Palmer notes, "What a long time it can take to become the person one has always been."
This work isn't about fixing yourself or acquiring some missing piece. It's about reclaiming the parts you rejected somewhere along the way.
Considering this, a powerful reflection question can be: When did I begin to forsake myself? And what prompted me to do so?
There's usually something valuable hidden in that answer—some protective impulse, some attempt to keep yourself or someone else safe. Understanding that context can help you reclaim those lost parts with compassion.
Simple Joy Practice: Design Your Values Tattoo
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Pull out your values list from episode 245 (what you love to give, receive, and stand for; here's more guidance if you haven't done that yet). Pick one item that genuinely sparks something in you—even if it's as simple as "making homemade truffles" or "showing up for friends."
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Design a tattoo for that value. Use colors, shapes, images, words—whatever captures what this means to you.
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This doesn't need to be pretty or tattoo-parlor-ready. Just doodle until you have something that, if someone asked about your "tattoo," you'd be excited to explain.
Remember, the "real you" is always still there. And simple practices like this can help you find your way home to yourself.
Related Resources:
Joy Lab Podcast Episodes
- Self-connection series:
- Self-acceptance episodes:
- Authenticity series:
- Unmasking Your True Self: Exploring Authenticity and Awe [ep. 216]
- Embrace Your True Self: Accepted, Connected, & In The Game [ep. 217]
- The Road Most Travelled: Awakening Through Suffering [ep. 218]
- Follow Your Bliss: Awakening to Joy [ep. 219]
- The Still Small Voice: Awakening with Soulfulness [ep. 220]
- Reducing Negative Self-Talk with Illeism [ep. 235]
